How to Deal with Family Drama
Planning your wedding is no simple task. All the organizing and logistics involved will take a lot of time. Most times, you’ll also be juggling expectations from both families as you plan. This becomes, even more, pronounce when both parents are financially involved in your wedding. They could have expectations that are next to impossible to meet. Saying no, could lead to friction, conflict, and lots of other problems. So how do you sort that out? We thought we’d help. Here are some tips on how to deal with family drama when planning your wedding.
- Be Flexible
When it comes to your wedding, you have to avoid sweating the small stuff. You can have the wedding you have always wanted if you are ready to let some little things slide. In relationships with parents, you have to understand that ultimately; they want your best interest at heart. So be ready to let go of some issues. Snapping at everything that shows up will only cause further strife. You could also discover that there are bigger issues to solve much later. You’ll be better able to solve those if you handle these small ones the right way.
- Apply the Rule of Three
The rule of three is very important to know when dealing with family. Basically, it says that only when an issue has occurred over three times, should it be confronted head-on. The truth is that we are all human, Sometimes, your parents, spouse and other family members will make mistakes. So, when it happens the first or the second time, consider letting it slide. It could just be that they are under lots of stress like you are and aren’t handling things well. They may even realize they’ve been wrong and approach you to sort things out when things are calmer.
In cases like this, it pays to remember that the relationship is more important than whatever decision is at stake. If the situation has however happened over three times, you need to talk about it. Jumping right into it can make things worse though. So, schedule a time to talk. You’ll go into the conversation feeling calmer and better able to express your worries and fears. You’ll also be better able to identify when this problem has occurred three times prior. It’ll make it easier for the guilty party to admit and apologize for their error. Start the conversation by admitting that you don’t know everything and would like their support. This is much better than outright criticism and mudslinging.
- Access the Situation in An Unbiased Way
Calmly finding out what is behind the drama could be the solution. Most times, what seems blown out is just a difference in opinion. When it comes to your wedding, you are the one who will make the primary decisions so you shouldn’t let other people’s opinions affect you so much. Ask yourself, does the way this person is acting harm me or my loved ones? Can it affect my wedding day in a fundamentally negative way? Will it cost me time and money? You could also ask a friend who you know is objective to take a look at the situation. They may be able to weigh in positively and help solve things.
- Do Your Best to Understand and Be Understood
One of the best ways to solve conflict is understanding. So, before you confront your family member with something they have done, try to put yourself in their shoes. Be a good listener and assume that they have a reason for their actions. You will often be surprised to find out that they do. When we say listen here, we mean really listen. Listening to reply will never work here. It’ll just make the situation escalate more, as it is often so obvious. You’ll find that the person will do the same too.
When you however listen to understand, you’ll find your family member is more open to sharing with you. Ask questions where you need better understanding and focus on their thoughts. You might not even need to agree, just understanding is most times enough. People often start working to be better once they feel heard and understood. When you finally find out what the real problem is, you’ll be in a better place to make the right decision.
- Consider the Timing
Calmness and timing are some of the keys to communicating and solving conflicts. If you try to resolve the issue while you are angry, things could escalate. You won’t be at your best and the other person will probably get defensive. If you find that you are angry and it’s getting worse, excuse yourself for a moment. Try to calm down fully before you return to discuss the situation. Even taking a five minutes break can help avoid a huge blowout. If you discover that the conversation is not solving the problem, then calmly request that the issue be settled at a later time. Don’t forget to tell them that you love them before you leave.